Thursday, June 21, 2012

Where have I been?

 Where have I been?

Wow! It's been nearly six months since I've last written on this blog!

Don't worry. I've been fine. Nothing too major has happened to me. I've just been taking some time off to rest, relax, and to enjoy my blessings. I've had some really tough years with my illness, schizophrenia, and although I have many blessings around me, I had rarely gotten the chance to enjoy them because of having been so tormented and tortured by voices. There were many an occasion as to where I was forced to listen to the voices, not being able to turn them off, like a radio or a television, blasting in my ears. I have no control over the volume, or the "on" and "off" button. As a result I have had many a sleepless night in the past few years, but things are finally looking up for me and my family!

I still continue to hear the voices everyday, but lately there have been more good days than bad days. So that's a plus.

Also, another plus is that my family and I have recently moved into a nice home in a suburb of Rochester, New York. The new neighborhood is beautiful, well manicured, and most of our neighbors are elderly, so it's really quiet and peaceful. None of our neighbors make much noise. And the best part is that not only is there more space than any of our previous residences, but there is even enough room for our family to grow comfortably in, meaning that the girls can have their own rooms when they are ready, (Right now our girls prefer to share a room).

I also get to have my own studio space in one of the small rooms down in the basement. So far I've drawn two and a half new pieces in my new space--that is my studio. And I love it, because the lighting in the room is magnificent! Now, although there is no day-lighting on account of there being no windows in the room, there is some awesome fluorescent lighting on the ceiling, which in turn makes the room very bright, in a manner that is comparable to natural lighting. This makes for better paintings, as if I can see the details of what I am drawing from better, then I can draw the details in my paintings better.

All of that having been said, let's change gears and discuss something else. If you will remember, in my  last post, I talked about wanting to do 60 paintings in 60 days, but then, later, explained that something was stopping me. Well, my friends, I'd like to explain to you now what was stopping me. Here it is. My explanation: I JUST WANTED TO TAKE TIME OF TO ENJOY MY BLESSINGS!

That's it: That's the reason and the only reason.

When my daughters were born . . . ah, it's seems, almost, as if just yesterday. Miriam and Faith are five now, and Sephie is three. They are growing up so quickly.  I have had so many precious moments stolen from me on account of the voices and now that my health has improved somewhat, I just want to enjoy what I can, for the time being, whatever I can, because I never know when I will be forced to live in the hell, that I had been forced to live in in recent years, again.


Yes, that is exactly what it was.


Yes, that is exactly what it was.

Yelling, Screaming, shouting! Insults and threats--all in my ears, with no power to stop it.


Yes, indeed that is what it was.

And on account of the torture, I simply could not enjoy my blessings no matter how much I tried. It was like being bound to a table by rope or twine, while someone peeled away at your flesh, tear by tear, shred by shred, with a knife, and then the dismembering of your limbs, also too, with a knife, while your loved ones looked on, unable to help you, because they could not stop your enemy, for they did not know how.

Torture--in the presence of loved ones.

And the torture was even more unbearable on account that my loved ones had to witness it.

And it was hard to enjoy my loved ones because I was being tortured. Does anyone out there understand what I am trying to explain? Let me ask this question: if you were being tortured while being bound to a table by rope or twine, as your loved ones looked on, in the manner as I have explained, wouldn't it be difficult to enjoy them? Wouldn't it be difficult to enjoy your loved ones? So, despite having so many blessings in my life, I have battled depression over the recent years, and also have had several suicide attempts, I'm not very proud to say.

Mental, Emotional, and Psychological pain are very difficult things to understand if you haven't been through much. But, my readers, please understand that I speak truth, when I say that mental, emotional, and psychological pain, can be, sometimes, just as painful as any physical pain, if not worse.

Torture. That is what it was.

But, my friends, let's not leave this post on a sad note. Let's cheer things up a little by enjoying some of my fantastic art work. Please enjoy one of the recent paintings that I have done in my new studio (see below)

"Love My Sis"

Aren't they cute: Those little ones up above are our little twin girls, when we were living in Rustic Village a few years back. But they don't look exactly alike because they're fraternal twins. And they've also grown since then, so they look a 'lil bit different now, as their faces have matured some.

If you want to purchase this original painting from the SamDoum Art store, just click HERE.

I've currently been working on another portrait of our other little one, Sephora, which I should be done with in a few days, so I will be displaying that one on here for you all soon, as well.

Oh, and last but not least, if you haven't signed up for my FREE SamDoum Art Newsletter, please do. I promise to keep you entertained with it and I also promise you'll enjoy it! And, if you sign up before the end of June 24, 2012, you will automatically be entered in a drawing to receive a FREE 20"x30" Original drawing from a photo of your choice. (Limit only up to two heads per a photo). In order to sign up just click the brown link below, and follow the directions from there.

Here's the link:

'Til later Blogspot friends!


P.S. -- Will I still do 60 paintings in 60 days? Read my next blog post to find out!

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